Speaker 1
So, hello and welcome. Welcome to your next chapter. My name is Siobhan Mattingly and I am the Director of Marketing for Avery Heights. Very excited to be here today. Today, we’re going to be talking about moving forward. And to help me with that discussion is the beautiful Ms. Sheila Gavish.

Speaker 2
Thank you, Siobhan. It’s really nice to be here. I appreciate the opportunity to do this with you.

Speaker 1
It’s awesome to have you here. So what we’re going to talk about is moving forward. So a lot of times what we find with mom and dad, unfortunately, you know, or your loved one, they’re not ready to move to a senior living community. And a lot of times it’s necessary for medical reasons, for safety reasons. And a lot of times it’s just kind of more necessary for quality of life, socialization. It could be someone who’s newly widowed. It could be someone that their house is just getting too overwhelming for them.

Speaker 1
And so we’re here to kind of help you with some tips and some reasons why they might be reluctant, but also some tips and some ways that we can help you along to help you with that conversation. And this is great, Sheila. It’s great to have you here today.

Speaker 1
Thank you again. Thank you, Siobhan. So tell me a little bit about yourself, what you do, and what makes you kind of the expert on this.

Speaker 2
Well, I am an expert in progress, I would say. As we all are. I am with Amstead Home Transition Solutions, and we do relocation for seniors who are doing transitional moves to communities such as yours.

Speaker 2
And prior to that, I had many years designing a nursing home, life care community, CCRCs. So I have a big passion for it, a lot of interest in it. But what occurred to me, and even considering the name of our company, that we are a transition company, that the transition doesn’t end just because we move the furniture in.

Speaker 2
And it certainly doesn’t begin when someone makes that decision to go to a community like yours. So it’s a very dynamic process, as you know. It’s wrought with emotion and so many decisions.

Speaker 2
And I just really come to appreciate that. and what residents and their adult children and families go through in making this determination.

Speaker 1
Yeah, I totally, I totally agree. Let’s kind of, I’m going to give a definition of a senior living community. I’m thinking that most people, if you’re watching this or listening to this, you probably know what a senior living community is, but I want to kind of go over that just a little bit. So independent living, why would you move someone into independent living? Some of the things I have is socialization. Again, you might be newly widowed. You might have lost all your friends. Or again, your home might just be way too much for you. Or you might be spending too much time at home in front of that TV. So that’s kind of some reasons why you might want to move your loved one if they’re going into independent living. If it’s assisted living, now this is more scarier because obviously this is more for medical reasons. And obviously that makes it and safety reasons. So they’re having trouble with their mobility. They need more help with their ADLs, activities of daily living, like cooking, showering, you know, getting dressed in the morning. Dangerous. They’re forgetful. A lot of security issues. They’re leaving stuff on the stove or, you know, maybe they’re out there wandering and that’s more of a candidate for like memory care. You’re worried about their health, their home. Is there a greatest asset? Again, that might be being neglected.

Speaker 1
They may not be able to negotiate those stares and kind of get down to that washer and dryer or what have you. You’re worried about the nutrition. You know, a lot of times people come here independent and assisted living for the delicious meals.

Speaker 1
You know, three meals a day, healthy meals, not just kind of a TV dinner or pretzels. Or I had one lady that was, she was really cute. Cookies was her food of choice for lunch.

Speaker 1
And I’m like, okay, Not that I’m thinking, you know, in college, that’s a bad thing. But when you’re an older adult, we need the right nutrition and just that loneliness and isolation. So, you know, those are some reasons why you might want to move someone, you know, that just that quality of life.

Speaker 1
And why I’m mentioning all this is just to kind of validate whoever’s kind of listening or watching this is that you’ve got valid reasons to move mom and dad. You know, that shame and guilt that you might be feeling is just because of the resistance, but you have valid reasons to do so. And so I know that there was a wonderful study that was done that kind of gave those categories of what mom and dad, let’s try to get into their shoes, which is really what I try to do.

Speaker 1
And I know you try to do as well when we’re meeting with folks, try to put us, because we’re adult children as well, the adult children in that space of mom and dad or your loved ones. So you can try to empathize and understand a little bit of what’s going on. Tell me about that study and let’s talk about those five categories.

Speaker 1
of what seemed there.

Speaker 2
Yes, this was a very interesting study, Siobhan. It was done by a group of licensed social workers. And the way that they arrived at the study was a little bit different than sometimes when you do a study, you come up with a hypothesis and then you get information to back it up.

Speaker 2
But in this case, they interviewed literally dozens of seniors pre and post move and talk to them about their decision to come into go into a community. And then they came up with five points, the five points that you want to discuss of the feelings that they had that kind of summarized their perception of their whole experience. And so the ones that and I’m sorry, I don’t have it in front of me.

Speaker 1
have them here. So I’ll read them over. So number one was the inevitable. They need to move. I have to come here. And again, that empathy, I mean, think of it, we have to think about ourselves.

Speaker 1
How would I feel, you know, whatever you may have those out there listening, you know, your house, you know, your condo, your apartment, and someone comes in and says, we, you need to move. I mean, that’s, that’s uncomfortable. And, and sometimes I think that, and I, and I’m guilty of it as well with my parents, which is why I ended up in this industry, is, you know, you forget this is a grown adult that, by the way, raised you, right? And this is someone that has feelings and thoughts.

Speaker 1
And so, yes, it’s for their safety. Yes, it’s for the best for them. But we have to tread carefully of coming in and just, you know, that overwhelming feeling of, I’ve got to move and not that feeling of, I’ve got a choice. And then we’re going to talk about later how ways that you can still give them choices and not necessarily that you have to move type of thing. Yes. And underlying theme,

Speaker 2
I’m sorry, you want to continue? No, no, go. No, I just want to say that the, you know, the theme is that it’s about lack of autonomy and lack of control over your future. And that’s why it’s so important to include the person who’s going into the as much as you can, as much as possible in every step of the way from exploring all their options to giving information and to

Speaker 1
involve them in the decision. I love that. You, I, this is why Sheila’s here because she sums it all up. I like that. I like it. I like it. Number two, making the move, the abrupt departures. We were just discussing a situation where that, you know, that abrupt, you know, we’re going, you know what I mean? And, and, and talk a little bit about that and, and maybe some stuff you’ve seen out in the field with that.

Speaker 2
Yeah. And sometimes, unfortunately, the decision is made abruptly due to circumstances. Sometimes there’s a health issue that makes it impossible to stay in the home any longer.

Speaker 2
Sometimes there’s a death of a spouse. That’s usually very, very, plays a big, important part in that decision because there’s fear of that isolation and being alone. Parents can live very comfortably out by themselves in an urban area.

Speaker 2
And then all of a sudden, when there’s only one left, they realize that they do need that companionship. You mentioned isolation and loneliness, which is one of the biggest reasons why people choose to go into a community. They need that socialization. It’s so critical to our well-being.

Speaker 1
Got a little alarm going off this. Okay. That’s not our time’s up.

Speaker 1
Okay. No, agreed. And just to add to that, I think, you know, like you said, if a spouse passes or something’s that affect Alzheimer’s and dementia and various unfortunate medical conditions and that other spouse, a lot of times was the caregiver and they were taking care of that other person.

Speaker 1
And so you’re right, that move needs to be abrupt. What I’m seeing a lot of is divorce as well, unfortunately. And that other spouse who’s being divorced can be compromised and they need to be in a safer situation where they can get the medical attention they need.

Speaker 1
So you’re right, that move does need to be abrupt at times. And there has to be, you know, we’ll talk about ways that we can help with that as well. Number three, decision making and exercising choice.

Speaker 1
I think we already touched upon that. what can I do? I have no choice. And that feeling is, I mean, again, to empathize with that, what an awful feeling, feeling like I have, Oh, well, I got to do this. That’s not a, that’s not a, think of yourself when we were thinking about colleges, you know, and maybe I’m going to name some local ones here. Actually, I won’t name the ones we want to go to one university, but we end up, you know, we don’t get into that university and, Oh, well, I got to go there.

Speaker 1
Maybe it turns out great, but again, where are my choices? And so think about not having a choice, your spouse, you know, You know, someone says, oh, no, you got it. That guy doesn’t want you got to marry that one.

Speaker 1
It’s the same kind of situation where you got no choice and nobody wants to have no choice. For sure. I think you made a good point about kind of creating choices for your loved one as much as you can is important.

Speaker 2
And of course, always trying to do that sooner than later. Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 1
Not getting into that abrupt, not getting into number two or number three. Correct. maintaining identity, holding on to who I am, what I am. A lot of times for older adults, and I see it less with our generation and the generations to come, where you identify with where you live, your house, your titles. We’ve become more of people that identify as, hey, I’m Siobhan. That’s it. This is who I am. There are things that define you.

Speaker 1
Yeah, I live in West Hartford on 33 Wilbrook Lane. And that’s who I am, is this house, my neighbors. So yeah, speak on that.

Speaker 2
And we see that when we relocate people and do the downsizing because their belongings identify them, their sentimentality attached to it, and it’s who they are. So it’s the whole process, dynamic process.

Speaker 1
And losing oneself, we were talking about it earlier, can definitely be depressing. That’s definitely if you lose track of who you are at your core, that definitely can cause depression and lashing out and anger and so forth. Last one, number five, maintaining connections.

Speaker 1
I like my family to be near. And I don’t know about that one because I know a lot of times people, they want to move. They’re moving, but they live in Florida or, you know, in terms of moving to Connecticut.

Speaker 1
But the, you know, the daughter or the son is in Connecticut. And so they’re moving here to be closer. So talk a little bit about that one.

Speaker 2
Yeah, actually, I was talking to a senior yesterday and she said that she was living in Florida and she moved here because her two daughters were here and she didn’t want to leave Florida, but she realized that she needed some assistance. Her husband had passed away and she wanted to be near them. And she has 16 grandchildren and they all live in Connecticut.

Speaker 1
Wow.

Speaker 2
So, but what I hear also is some seniors, they feel guilty that their family has to care for them and worry about them when they’re not in a protective, you know, community or environment. So they move into a community because they feel guilty, but they still want to be close to their family. They want to have that, you know, that connection to be close by. So I think that’s what that kind of is about, that particular one.

Speaker 1
So what was the conclusion of the study? I know you had a sum up on that.

Speaker 2
Yeah, well, the conclusion is that I think everywhere along the process, we want to consider the feelings of the senior that is having to make this move, that it is not easy. There are so many emotions. And compassion and empathy and patience cannot be stressed enough.

Speaker 2
It has to be considered at every step along the way. So as to avoid the I have no choice, you know, and to include them, to give them options to consider. And so also that they’re not at your mercy and to talk, you know, to kind of reframe the conversation.

Speaker 2
And actually, there’s a wonderful book by Catherine L. Owens called Be Your Own Hero. And it’s decisions to go into a senior community simplified. And she talks about aging in place that, you know, the conversation really should not just be about aging in place, but rather aging in a place or being in a place where you can age well.

Speaker 2
And for some people that may be at home, but for others, it may not. And so to consider all of the pros and cons with the individual that is having to move and also to help clear up misinformation, because there’s a lot of misinformation out there about what it means to move into. Yes, yes.

Speaker 2
Independent living. Some of the seniors have a mindset of convalescent home. Yes.

Speaker 2
Like the last stop. You know, they don’t know how wonderful a lot of these communities are, such as yours. And you and I talked about this, that they shouldn’t just go on one tour, but rather come and participate.

Speaker 2
Bring your mom and dad or, you know, for the senior to go there. See what living there would be like. Partic in all of the wonderful things that you have to offer them.

Speaker 1
Agreed, agreed. And I’ll have a link to the book that you mentioned, which is wonderful, in the comments of this particular recording. I think one of the things that I know we didn’t talk about discussing this, so I might throw you, but I don’t think so, because you’re awesome.

Speaker 1
Let’s talk about the person, the adult child or that person that’s helping that person get into the senior living community, because it could be a friend. I know sometimes it’s a professional, different people that, you know, that might be helping that person taking care of themselves. And especially more so when it’s mom and dad and the kids or if it’s your uncle or your aunt and you’ve grown up with this person.

Speaker 1
You know, I think it’s important for that. I just thought of this person to make sure they’re taking care of themselves. you know, just as important as it is for caregivers. And that really is, you are part of the caregiver team to take care of yourself, meaning check your anger, check your, you know, unresolved challenges with your childhood, empathize and don’t dehumanize your mom and dad or your parent, you know, check that frustration. Because a lot of times we’re frustrated and that’s where that, you know, we’re, and we’re not paying attention to what mom and dad are feeling. So I just thought of that as a piece of this is that it’s important that self-care for whoever that, whoever you are in that role of helping that person move forward, you’re going to get frustrated. It is going to be frustrating, especially if that person’s like, no, no, no, no, you know, think about a two-year-old, no stopping their feet, you know, or banging their hands on the, on the ground, having a tantrum, Because that’s really, I’m not belittling or taking away from the true feelings of that person who is having those feelings.

Speaker 1
But it may seem like they’re having, you know, a little stubborn tantrum. And that can be frustrating because you want them to go this way and they want to go that way. And it’s not safe.

Speaker 1
It’s not, you know, there’s so many you’re worrying. So I think it’s important your self-care as that person, that facilitator, let’s call them, of helping that person to move forward into a senior living community.

Speaker 2
Yes, I couldn’t have said it better, Siobhan. That’s very insightful that we all need to kind of check ourselves when we are dealing with bringing up these difficult subjects, you know, and this conversation with your parents. And it’s really hard.

Speaker 2
It’s definitely very complicated, complex, but, but yes, it’s their life and they need to be given as much consideration as possible. And then yes, there have to be times when you step back, take a breath for your own self, because it’s not easy. I’ve often been an advocate that there need to be caregivers for the caregivers.

Speaker 1
Yes. Yeah, exactly. And, and I think we have to get off of autopilot.

Speaker 1
You know, a lot of times, you know, life and we’re just like, you know, and we and we validate our feelings to the point of destruction. So, you know, oh, my gosh, she’s being stubborn. Oh, my gosh, she’s making me mad.

Speaker 1
Let’s go. You know, no, check that at the door, because that’s all that’s going to do is create more resistance, more drama, more challenges for you. So it’s one of those things where they say, if you’re not forgiving someone, it’s hurting you more than it’s hurting the other person.

Speaker 1
And this is a perfect situation of that in some sense, is that that reactionary mentality is only going to hurt you. You have to be strategic. This is actually, I think, easier for those of us that are parents sometimes or took care of even, you know, you know, loved, you know, babysat.

Speaker 1
Anyone who’s ever been around children, this is a little easier for because you can hone in on those skills that you use to kind of because, you know, if you start yelling at a two year old, that’s not going to go anywhere. It’s going to exasperate the situation. But if you calm down and use your skills, your communication skills, as opposed to going in hot, this is a very similar situation.

Speaker 2
Yeah. And then also, excellent point, Siobhan. And also, there’s a wonderful chapter in Catherine’s book about sometimes it’s necessary for the adult child to make those decisions.

Speaker 2
And they’re not easy. If the parent has cognitive decline, or has beginning Alzheimer’s or more advanced, then sometimes you have to make those difficult choices for them. It’s like a child, she gives an example of a child that has to go to the dentist, you know, because they have a cavity, well, you can’t just let them let it go, because you know that the consequences are going to be far worse if you do nothing. So and it’s about for the adult child to be gentle with yourself, that sometimes you have to have that tough love and make a decision if the individual’s not capable

Speaker 1
of doing it themselves. Agreed. All right. Now let’s talk about nine steps. And I think we’ve already kind of delved into that a little bit, kind of nine tips or nine steps that can help you.

Speaker 1
The number one is listen to their concerns. And I think that’s, we’ve kind of discussed that. Provide information. And I think you touched upon that. You know, a lot of times when I have people come for the tour, you know, get two packets. You know, we, you know, as marketing people, we should have enough packets on hand, one for the loved one and one for yourself. Even if that loved one has dementia and Alzheimer’s and they are compromised in a way where they would never understand the packet. It’s just the gesture that, hey, you know, you’re involved in this decision process. Exactly. It’s about respect and yes. Yeah. Yes. Say that again. It’s about respect

Speaker 2
and acknowledgement that yes, they are the individual that will be most affected.

Speaker 1
Exactly. Number three, involve them in the decision-making process. So a lot of times, and even though I work for a senior living community director of marketing, my boss, I don’t think is going to watch this, but if he does, I always recommend see at least three senior living communities. If you have the time and the situation warrants it, see at least three, try if the person has, and again, I’m not a medical expert, if they have dementia or Alzheimer’s, try to take comprehensive notes for all of them and simplify, you know, that’s the one that had the garden. That’s the one that had the great salmon. You know, that’s the one that had the, you know, the tree outside the window. Simplify it for the person. That’s the one that had the kitchen. Remember, that’s what you wanted. And just simplify that, but definitely give, give some sense of a choice. So really, you know, pick out three that make sense, that are viable options and give that loved one the option of the three.

Speaker 1
or even if it’s two, but at least give them a choice of, of at least don’t just have the one and this is where you’re going. You know, I think that’ll go better. Yep. And I’m sure you probably

Speaker 2
do this when you’re first meeting with people is to find out as much information as you can about their likes and their lifestyles. You can see if you’re a good fit for them. Exactly. Agreed.

Speaker 1
Agreed. Address their practical concerns. We chatted about that. Highlight the positives. Just, I just went over that.

Speaker 1
Offer that emotional support. And again, we talked about for yourself as well as them. Encourage small steps.

Speaker 1
And I think we touched upon that a little bit with, you know, you know, I always recommend we’re going to talk about this a little later, but it’s worth saying now as well, you know, for you, come for the tour. You as the person who’s facilitating, again, the loved one, you know, you as the adult children, you come for the tour. Then you get all your questions out of the way.

Speaker 1
We look at every nook and cranny of the community. and then your parents and they come for the VIP tour where we customize it like you said to those likes hey we’re gonna if they like a books and book club we’re gonna concentrate in the library if they want to swim we’re gonna concentrate in the pool if they like knitting we’re gonna concentrate in that hobby room you know or you know but don’t call it the tour we’re gonna go visit we’re gonna go have some lunch you know come for a musical event come if you’re a veteran come for one of our veterans activities or another senior living communities veteran activities But don’t come for the tour because the tour is like that’s where I’m going to live. The visit is just the visit.

Speaker 1
We’re just visiting. We’re just exploring other options. And I think it’s important to note that that it’s small steps.

Speaker 1
So don’t dive into the tour, the lease. You know what I mean? Let’s get an application.

Speaker 1
You know, let’s take those baby steps. And I think along with that, the baby steps is, you know, pay attention to the cues. Pay attention to the nonverbal communication.

Speaker 1
Pay attention to the, read the room. That’s the word I’m looking for. Read the room.

Speaker 1
Pay attention to what’s going on. You know, if there’s some negativity, that’s not the time to start talking about applications and do you like this room or that room? You know, that’s not the moment to do that.

Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 1
Yeah. And then I think number eight, seek professional help and respect their autonomy. And I think we’ve touched upon these, but I think it’s important.

Speaker 1
I think that number eight, definitely seek professional help. I was a caregiver for my mom and I was do it all, you know, do it all on my own, you know, and I don’t think that’s the way to go. Definitely don’t do it on your own.

Speaker 1
When you’re trying to do that, it’s a recipe for disaster because, you know, if you need that professional help, you know, we’re, you know, we’re the experts because we’re, because we’ve been doing it for years, you know, but, you know, you know, know, know, willing to ask for help for what you don’t know. Yep. I think those are important. All right. So now we’re getting into the good stuff. How do we talk to mom and dad or to your loved one? How do we talk to them? What’s the best approach like for just bringing up the conversation? What’s your recommendation on that? You know, how do you, how do you dive into the, do you just say, you know, set up a meeting to talk or just casually bring it up in conversation or, or again, read the room and see which works. But what’s your recommendation on some couple of different ways to start the conversation?

Speaker 2
I think that the best thing to do is to ask questions just about what, you know, what your parent is feeling, how they’re, you know, how do they feel about their lifestyle right now? Is there anything they need more help with? And how do they see themselves, you know, months from now, a year from now, but mainly listening to their concerns, to really compassionate listening. So as far as the exact questions, nobody knows your parent better than you do. There’s a lot of resistance. Sometimes it’s just good to back off and just listen, let them just empty their thoughts

Speaker 1
because I’m sure they have them.

Speaker 2
And so often we like to jump in and, you know, give plant ideas in people’s heads, you know, but just to, to see where they’re at, kind of take the temperature. And again, following those, you know, so that’s actually the number one thing was to listen to their concerns. And then to provide information based on what they tell you, if there is something that maybe they, they have wrong, or, you know, there’s a misperception that you can provide correct information to them. So, you know, it doesn’t have to be right away, you can make mental notes, come back later and say, you know, mom, you said, you know, you didn’t want to give up your hairdresser, you know, that you’ve had. Well, they have a salon on site, you know, or, you know, so anything that you can provide, you know, some people don’t want to move because they won’t be able to play their games or card games, you know, well, we have lots of activities like that. So just trying to listen and then provide information and allow them the opportunity to keep giving you feedback and make decisions.

Speaker 2
Like you said, one baby step at a time.

Speaker 1
Yeah, small steps. I like that. I also always like the idea, if you can and you’re in an area, you know, try to find a place where they might have a friend there.

Speaker 1
That usually goes over very well. Yeah. And sure enough, there’s always, there could be, you know, there’s always so like, talk to them about, you know, where did so-and-so go?

Speaker 1
Where did so-and-so go? You know, where did, you know, your next door neighbor go? And sure enough, that’s probably a good place to start.

Speaker 1
It might not be the right fit, but it’s like a good place to start because it gets them in the door to a senior community so they can see, like you said, the difference. Again, it might not be that. And then they’ll start to like buying a car.

Speaker 1
You know, oh, I want this. I want that. Like you said, I want a car room.

Speaker 1
I want a pool. I want this. And then you can go in and do your research and start to find those other little things that they’re that they’re looking for that maybe that place didn’t have.

Speaker 1
So you don’t have to feel as though that’s going to be the place. But that’s the entree. Again, the baby step into into this world.

Speaker 2
Exactly. I’m curious, Siobhan, do you ever have two friends that come in to just bring a friend if you don’t have someone there?

Speaker 1
It’s nice to get that feedback. We have several here. We have several folks that are in neighborhoods, you know, and mainly in the kind of the Newington and West Hartford.

Speaker 1
And we’ll have like, you know, three or four people from that neighborhood come in. And it’s it’s actually really beautiful. People that have lived in the same neighborhood for 50 years.

Speaker 1
And now they are. I have one just a quick story. It was two veterans, two gentlemen. And this is a good story because the family was very resistant.

Speaker 1
the the mom and the dad the I think this woman had seen eight uh different locations and I I was calling her and talking we were always chatting and I said she was I you know I don’t know Siobhan I don’t know you know I’ve seen so many places I said well why don’t you come on over and come to find out through her research which she’s wonderful she found an article and in that article one of the veterans that we honored happened to be they didn’t know where they had gone happened to be Yes. And they were neighbors for like 60 years. So that got them in the door. Again, who knew we were going to be the right community? Happened to be his birthday. They came in for dinner. They didn’t come in for the tour. They came in on a Friday night. You know us, we got the cake and we had the whole dining room sing. But the most beautiful thing was they were at our veterans wall and we were taking pictures and they put their arms around each other. And the other gentleman, so cool he said to him and I we were all emotional after this he said did you ever think 60 years ago when we were sitting on our back porch did we be here and the other guy was like nope but it was just so cool it just was so cool just to the acceptance for both of them and I’ll tell you what that night the mom looked at me and she said what do we do next where do we do we do an application. And the daughter was like, hang on, hang on. I’ll, I’ll talk to her after, you know, she’s slowing them down, but they’re ready. And sure enough, they moved in and it was, it’s been a great, it was a great situation. That’s wonderful. That’s really heartwarming. Yeah. You know, I’ve

Speaker 2
had to learn the hard way. I mean, I lost my mom and my father, we moved him here to the old Saybrook area. And I thought that things would continue on just the way they were that, you know, he’d still come over and we’d hang out and, you know, our friends would be his friends. But, you know, he’s since then made his own friends and seniors need their peers. They need people that they can relate to and recount the stories. And so, and that doesn’t mean they love their family any less, but no, it’s not a substitute for socialization with peers. So that’s a beautiful

Speaker 1
story. That’s what you want. I love when I see, you know, the kids get waved away, you know, Oh, don’t you want to do this?

Speaker 1
No, I’m going over here to the music event. You go ahead. I’ll talk to you later kind of thing.

Speaker 1
And that’s what you want. Getting older doesn’t mean life is over. And I think that’s another thing that we don’t realize.

Speaker 1
They’re 80. Oh, well. No, if you’re still here, there’s still life to be had.

Speaker 1
And I think it’s important to realize that. And that quality of life, having friends and going to dinner and having fun is super important.

Speaker 2
Absolutely. And like you said, sometimes you can only see that when you spend time at a community with other people and you see that, my gosh, they’re really having a wonderful life here.

Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah. So I think that just two other points that I know you and I have discussed that I think are important to mention, you know, bringing up the subject that, you know, things aren’t going smoothly here.

Speaker 1
And again, like we talked about, read the room. You got to figure out when to bring this up. But like you said, you know, if they had to call on the plumber and the sinks, the sinks a mess and they’re like, oh, we got to replace the whole thing. Or if the lawn is about this high or, you know, it’s, you know, the big nor’easter comes and, you know, you as the adult child can’t get to your loved one to bring them, you know, their favorite sandwich or whatever.

Speaker 1
it’s good to kind of little, little, you know, droplets of, Hey, you know, you know, if you were in a senior living community, this might not be happening. Not like in a, if you were in a, you know, know it all kind of way, but just a gentle, Hey, you know, if you weren’t a senior living community, this wouldn’t be, this is one of those things, it might not be an issue. All with gentle and love, I think is, is important. And I think the other one is to understand the difference between aging in place and putting into place what you will need to age well because a lot of times there’s that severe guilt of mom and dad I promised them that they would be able to stay in their home first of all stop promising that I’m gonna get t-shirts stop promising that because you know I know you know I’m getting older grandkids whatever whatever and I told my kids whatever you need to do so stop promising them you’re not you have no crystal ball that can promise that they’ll be able to stay in their home.

Speaker 1
So I think that’s, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2
Sometimes I’m asking them, what does it mean to be independent for you? And then you might look at, are you really independent? Exactly.

Speaker 2
You are. Could you be more independent by living in a community where they might have bus trips, they might have transportation available to you? You wouldn’t have to rely on your children or others.

Speaker 2
So you could have more autonomy in what you’re going to do.

Speaker 1
The logical, being logical is, you know, spreadsheets and logic is really, we have a wonderful one, living at home versus living in a senior living community. And it really just nails down those various points and simplifies it. So that’s something that’s available, which we’ll have a link to here as well.

Speaker 1
Yeah, I think we’ve touched upon a lot. It’s a big topic. You know, definitely reach out to myself or Sheila.

Speaker 1
Our contact information will be noted as well if there’s anything, you know, any questions you have or anything like that. But I think it’s important. It’s a big topic. It’s a it’s a customized, individualized.

Speaker 1
Exactly. Well, so what’s yeah. Yeah. So don’t one size doesn’t don’t run home and and try what, you know, your friend at the gym tried because that necessarily is not necessarily going to work.

Speaker 1
But, you know, we’ll have more of this for sure. I know we’ve got other topics that we’re going to talk about. Sheila, thank you so much for being here. Thank you, Siobhan.

Speaker 2
I couldn’t have said it any better than you did. I mean, really, I think you touched on everything. And I think that whoever comes to, to your community is very lucky to, to have you who has such a great grasp on the overall picture of what this, what this means, these transitional moves.

Speaker 1
Yeah. Well, you know, we love working with you at Amstead as well. We appreciate you guys. Thank you so much, everyone.

Speaker 1
This has been your next chapter. We look forward to the next one for sure. And as always, have a great day.

Speaker 1
Thank you.

Speaker 2
Thank you.