Speaker 1
Good weekend to you everybody. Welcome to your next chapter, a production of The Heights at Avery Heights Senior Living Community. Avery Heights, they are a 43-acre senior living community with a full continuum of care, including independent and assisted living, memory care, and more.

Speaker 1
Now, this show will help provide helpful tips and resources for older adults that will empower and encourage you in your life journey. Topics related to physical and emotional health, could be financial health, senior living communities, and a whole lot more. Along with Siobhan Mattingly, I’m Gary Byron.

Speaker 1
Siobhan, good morning. Good morning. How are you?

Speaker 2
I’m phenomenal.

Speaker 1
I’m glad to hear that. It’s the season, right?

Speaker 2
How was your Thanksgiving? Oh my gosh, I cooked. I love to cook.

Speaker 1
Well, that’s your holiday then.

Speaker 2
It’s so weird. It’s like I didn’t realize how much I love it, but the thing is, it’s timing. I haven’t cooked Thanksgiving dinner in probably, I don’t know, five or six years.

Speaker 2
You got to get up early in the morning to put a turkey in, right? Actually, nowadays, it’s like two days before because you have to brine the turkey. And that is the key.

Speaker 2
My son is an amazing cook. And brining is the key. And it came out amazing.

Speaker 2
Like, you know, the white meat? Dark meat is always like moist and fresh or whatever. But everyone loved it.

Speaker 2
I mean, they came back for thirds. Thirds? Literally, my husband’s cousin was like, I’m just going to get some more.

Speaker 2
Is that okay? Like, he asked me for thirds. How many people did you host?

Speaker 2
17. Oh, I remember you telling me that last week. 20-pound turkey, yeah.

Speaker 2
Yeah. Yeah, it was phenomenal. It was so much fun.

Speaker 2
I’m cooking next year. I want to do add a brisket next year. I’m really excited.

Speaker 2
Yeah. A brisket? Yeah.

Speaker 2
I want to get a smoker. Yeah.

Speaker 1
I’m out of control. 17, yeah. I mean, where does it end?

Speaker 2
Actually, I’m mentioning that on the radio on purpose. So I want to get a smoker. Hopefully my family’s listening. Smoker.

Speaker 1
Christmas is coming, by the way. Hint, hint.

Speaker 2
Mommy, grandma, auntie.

Speaker 1
You can only make so much food.

Speaker 2
I mean, there’s going to come a point where it’s like, I can’t eat all this. Well, actually, we didn’t have a lot of leftovers. We really didn’t. Actually, no. We had mashed potatoes.

Speaker 2
We went a little overboard on the mashed potatoes. But that was it. Everything else was gone.

Speaker 2
Yeah, very little. Oh, my goodness. Yeah.

Speaker 1
I’m going to add a brisket.

Speaker 2
17 people next year, too? Probably actually more. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1
Yeah. You just keep piling it on, Siobhan. Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2
I know. I do love it, though. It’s just, like I said, it’s all about time.

Speaker 2
It’s like the stress of the time. But I just kind of chilled and said, you know what? Whatever happens, whatever comes out, it comes out.

Speaker 2
And if it comes out good, good. If it doesn’t, oh, well.

Speaker 1
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2
I actually took pictures of my food. I became one of those people. I couldn’t help it.

Speaker 2
I was talking to my sister, and I’m like, this looks so good. She goes, take a picture of what I did. And I sent it to a bunch of people.

Speaker 1
So brisket and so more food and more people next year. Yes. This is what happens when you become a victim of your own success.

Speaker 1
Yes. You’re going to keep raising the bar. Exactly.

Speaker 1
How far can I push myself, right?

Speaker 2
I know. I keep threatening to get a food truck, which is like crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 1
Like you have no extra, you know, all this available time.

Speaker 2
Well, my son’s a good cook. He’s a really good cook.

Speaker 1
But does your son have a career?

Speaker 2
Yeah, he does. Yeah, he works for an app company. Yeah, he does.

Speaker 2
But he loves to cook as well. He cooked as well. And we compete with each other.

Speaker 2
So he thinks his turkey was better than mine. And I was like, dude, my turkey was halfway gone.

Speaker 1
I think we should call it Food Network here.

Speaker 2
I know.

Speaker 1
It’s going to be like family battles who cooks better. and who cooks.

Speaker 2
We’re doing a cooking competition, actually, at the community in June, a celebrity cooking competition, which you’re judging. I’m judging. You’re judging.

Speaker 1
I didn’t know that.

Speaker 2
No, I’ve said it. You have to do it. I did that to you with the remote.

Speaker 2
Remember last time? I was like, oh, you’re going to be there. It’s a good way to find this out, right?

Speaker 2
Exactly. Okay. All right.

Speaker 2
When in June? I don’t know yet. I got to come up with a date and I want to have different celebrities.

Speaker 2
And actually, I might have my son come up and cook and be, they’re going to be teams. So it’s going to be like one kind of novice kind of home cook and then like a celebrity. they’re going to be cooking uh tim is going to decide and the fun part is whoever wins the competition their meal will be on the menu so it’s going to be um what is the appetizer um you know the main entree and dessert and whoever wins those their whatever their dish will be on our actual

Speaker 1
menu i like this hey before we get into um today’s topic talk quickly talk quickly about memory lane Excuse me, Memory Cafe. Memory Lane Cafe. That’s actually not a bad name. Memory Lane Cafe.

Speaker 2
That’s actually not a bad name.

Speaker 1
Where they remember how you take your coffee.

Speaker 2
Exactly.

Speaker 1
Every time you come in.

Speaker 2
We’re really excited. It’s actually a national concept, so it’s not mine. I didn’t invent it.

Speaker 2
And it’s where caregivers and your loved one that has dementia or Alzheimer’s, it can be early on, but mid-stages works as well. They come on into our community. It’s completely free.

Speaker 2
We’re looking at having a drum circle. We’re looking at having a people plant connection come in. So they’ll make like a plant.

Speaker 2
We’re having them come in for April. So something probably around Easter. And we’re also having a wonderful woman.

Speaker 2
She’s actually going to around St. Patrick’s Day. She’s going to be singing kind of like Irish songs and so forth. And, you know, we’re really excited about it.

Speaker 2
It’s going to be on 1 o’clock every second Monday of the month starting in January.

Speaker 1
Where did you get? You said it’s in Nashville.

Speaker 2
It is, yeah. When I used to work up in the Berkshires, which I’ve mentioned before, I worked for a hospice company. And up there, wonderful lady, she actually works for a senior living community up there.

Speaker 2
And she did a memory cafe. And our hospice company sponsored it. And so I really just stole it from her.

Speaker 2
And actually, I told her, I said, I’m taking this from you. Well, then when I went online, I saw that they’re all over the place. Yeah.

Speaker 2
And, you know, we need one in Connecticut. I know there are some in Connecticut already. Oh, I didn’t know that.

Speaker 2
Yeah, like libraries and senior centers and different things have them. But there’s none in our area that I know of. And it’s great for the caregiver especially.

Speaker 2
It just gives them kind of a break, something fun to do, something so they’re not sitting around thinking about, you know, what they have going on. And actually for the person that has Alzheimer’s and dementia too, it’s great for them. You know, it’s fun.

Speaker 2
And they’re around their peers. You know, they can be out and socialize. And the one up in the Berkshires, what I saw is a lot of people made friends and they started setting up kind of memory cafe dates outside of the actual official event.

Speaker 2
This is nice. And the support is so needed when someone has Alzheimer’s dementia.

Speaker 1
Knocking it out of the park as usual, Siobhan, aren’t you? Lots of help, though. Well, of course.

Speaker 1
It’s a team effort. Yes. Speaking of team efforts, why don’t you take the liberty.

Speaker 1
I would love to. To introduce the guest that you are presenting here.

Speaker 2
As many of you know, or you guys know, I’ve been in the industry for about 20 years. So I’ve been around a ton, a ton of memory cares. And I’ve never seen a memory care like ours.

Speaker 2
And I know I’m saying it. I work there. But it’s so true.

Speaker 2
And that reason for that, it always comes from the top. And it’s Holly Taylor Fry. She is amazing.

Speaker 2
I mean, every time I go in there and her person-centered, customized care, which we’re going to hear about for every individual in our memory care, it is so true. She gets to know people down to, for silly, bare bones. I mean she really, really customizes even the welcome signs.

Speaker 2
Like some people just put up, oh, welcome so-and-so. Like there was a gentleman that is an architect, and so she put that up. Like she kind of was like, oh, wait, no, he’s an architect.

Speaker 2
We’re going to do this. We’re going to do that. She had this whole plan around his welcoming.

Speaker 2
And so she’s quite amazing. And so I’ve been wanting her to have her on the show. I couldn’t rope her into it because she’s very busy.

Speaker 2
She’s got some big shoes to fill. And so I figured, oh, we’re going to have her on the phone. And so, ladies and gentlemen, the wonderful Holly Taylor Fry.

Speaker 1
Holly, good morning and welcome to the show.

Speaker 3
Hi, good morning, Gary. It’s fun. Thank you so much. That’s very kind. Absolutely.

Speaker 1
Wow. I mean, that’s… I know.

Speaker 3
I know. How do you… I don’t know how to follow that up. Yeah. Well, Gary, I’m just going to do my very best.

Speaker 1
Tell us maybe a little bit about yourself and what specifically you do at the hikes.

Speaker 3
Sure. So I have a therapeutic recreation background, and that wasn’t enough, so I became a certified therapeutic recreation specialist. And then the opportunity came here in Hartford at the Heights, where they were building a brand-new memory care, and I said, hey, that sounds like a great thing for me.

Speaker 3
So I took a lot of years of my skilled practice and was able to bring it here to the Heights and was part of a groundbreaking, you know, awesome building of memory care from the ground up. I was actually part of, you know, choosing the artwork that went into this space. And, you know, all of these components make such a huge difference in making it a warm and comfortable environment.

Speaker 3
And I was really blessed by having Bill Englehart as the director of the Heights here pretty much give me carte blanche and allow me to run with my dream and create the space that i have to this day so i’ve been in doing this for almost five years now it’s amazing so was the position

Speaker 1
created for you with you or did you did you um did someone leave and then you filled that position

Speaker 3
no no i didn’t i created this this is this is what i created so you are you created the blueprint

Speaker 1
of this, if you will.

Speaker 2
Yes. Award-winning blueprint.

Speaker 1
What is this? Holly, something tells me you’re a very humble person. Siobhan, you might want to elaborate on this award-winning.

Speaker 2
Yeah. I’ll let Holly elaborate because she’s the…

Speaker 3
Our memory care is an award-winning design. I was fortunate enough to be part of helping a assistant kind of creating the space as far as the artwork and what would be appropriate. But, I mean, the space was designed.

Speaker 3
I got to just put a little bit of my own twist on things and really, you know, for example, I wanted to put a full moon at the end of the hallway where the exit sign was. And I said, well, that’s not really what I want all of my dementia residents to be drawn to. It’s a beautiful picture, but that’s not going to work.

Speaker 3
So I kind of had a little art back and forth with the art director. But I won, so that’s okay. Well, of course.

Speaker 3
That being said, I don’t have my residents constantly going to the end of the hall or the exit sign.

Speaker 1
And that was the goal. What exactly, and pardon me for such an elementary question, but what exactly is memory care? We’ve heard the term, we talk about it all the time, but your definition, from your angle, from your vantage point, what do you consider memory care?

Speaker 3
Well, memory care is really a space that provides intentional care for individuals with memory conditions. We want to raise them to their highest functioning ability. So that is through the environment as well as the trained staff that understands how to engage somebody to promote them to their highest functioning ability.

Speaker 3
an example of that is I have intentional staff in my early years here you know they found a resident that was lovely and she was adorable and everybody’s grandmother but they wanted to feed her because you know why not she’s adorable and I had to kind of put the kibosh on that because she’s capable and she just needed the queuing and the right you know situation and once I kind of trained staff on that and gave them the understanding that it’s important to empower somebody to their highest functioning ability, this woman went on to feeding herself for another two years. Without that, she would have stopped feeding herself because her brain just wouldn’t have connected anymore. So those are the kind of interventions I try and observe.

Speaker 3
And when there’s a need, I really intervene and put together whatever is in the best interest of that individual.

Speaker 1
All right, so based on that, how does someone know that it’s time for memory care? I would imagine the individual, him or herself, may not be aware or may not even care to admit. Is it, I would imagine normally family members, particularly the offspring, the children from?

Speaker 3
Yeah, no, it’s a great question. I would say, you know, if you start seeing somebody who’s changed in their behavior, They become a little more disoriented, like putting their physical safety at risk, like wandering away from the home and maybe not being able to get back. That’s definitely a red flag.

Speaker 3
Getting lost driving is another certain concern, of course. If you see somebody who maybe loses that weight because they don’t realize that maybe they’ve forgotten how to cook, you know, people don’t always live with their loved ones. So you might see them on the holidays, like usually around this time of year.

Speaker 3
This is when we’re hearing things. Oh, a mom, I didn’t realize, you know, she’s not able to cook for herself. Boy, she’s lost so much weight.

Speaker 3
We need to really, you know, pay attention to what’s going on here. Maybe they’re taking improper medications, you know, which can also offer some different changes in somebody. I guess really if you hear somebody who’s, you know, garbled in their verbal skills, you know, what’s happening there?

Speaker 3
What’s the reason behind that? Pay attention to that. Can they work the phone?

Speaker 3
Are they calling as often as they used to? Maybe not. Maybe they don’t realize, you know, they don’t know how to use the phone all of a sudden.

Speaker 3
And it can come on slow, but it can also be a sudden concern right away that you don’t even realize. Because people do with cognitive impairment early stages, they develop an ability to cover coping phrases, you know, a general phrase. So you need to dig a little deeper.

Speaker 3
Maybe ask a little more detailed questions, see really where their thought process is. You know what I…

Speaker 1
Yeah. No, no, no, no. Please continue. No, go ahead.

Speaker 3
No, I was just saying, you know, some people just don’t… We’ll take that blanket answer and roll with it and not realize that maybe there’s something a little bit more. So you kind of have to ask for more probing questions to really get underneath that.

Speaker 1
You know, Holly, if there’s anything to be taken from this, it’s that it’s not always obvious. It’s not always in your face where people will think, oh, they forgot my name. You know, she forgot her name.

Speaker 1
He forgot my name. He forgot, you know, but, you know, it progresses. Right.

Speaker 1
Sometimes it can be just something as simple where that whether or not they remember to take their medicine or if they remember to eat their meal or not. It doesn’t always start off at, you know, they forgot your name. Yeah, I think that’s where people go more first towards.

Speaker 1
Well, you know, I remembered my name, so we must be doing somewhat okay. Well, yeah, that’s maybe a few steps down the path a little bit. I’m not saying it doesn’t start there, but probably more often than not, it doesn’t.

Speaker 3
And the caretakers don’t realize, those loved ones who are in the person’s life regularly, they don’t realize how much they actually shoulder because it’s gradual. Yeah. You know, until you take that caretaker away, and that’s something you also have to consider.

Speaker 3
You know, what happens if your caretaker is no longer there because they have a health crisis or something? Right. You know, then what’s going to happen?

Speaker 3
Those are those next steps, thought process. Okay, I’m in this situation. What are my next steps if something happens to me?

Speaker 3
Because I got this right now, but I run a memory care, and I work with a whole team of people.

Speaker 1
All right, so then to that point, what should a caregiver or loved one look for when choosing a memory care?

Speaker 3
Well, that’s a really good question as well. Safety, comfort. When you walk in, definitely tour the space.

Speaker 3
You know, how does it make it feel? Is it dark? How does it ultimately make you feel?

Speaker 3
And that’s going to generally make an impact on the person that you may be looking to have go there. So you want to see, you know, how’s the staffing? Do they look friendly?

Speaker 3
Are they making eye contact? Are they paying attention to the residents in the area? You know, do people look generally well-kept?

Speaker 3
You know, all of that factors. Now, that doesn’t mean that if you see a resident who happens to be wearing, you know, three sweaters, you know, that could be something that that resident needs.

Speaker 1
That’s me on the coldest day of the year, by the way.

Speaker 3
That’s what I’m saying. You know, if you walk into any kind of a memory, I’m sorry, but the elderly, they feel the cold more than we do.

Speaker 1
Yeah, I think they’re blunt. Somebody told me they’re blood thin as you age, right?

Speaker 2
It’s like moving to Florida. Right. Right. That’s why a lot of them do that.

Speaker 1
Yes.

Speaker 2
Well, yeah. They’re cheaper down there, too.

Speaker 3
well my point is you can’t always you gotta you gotta dig a little bit there

Speaker 1
folks you are listening to your next chapter it’s a production of the heights at avery heights senior living community along with siobhan Mattingly i’m gary byron our guest this morning is the heights memory care director holly taylor fry holly what are some of the benefits or or or memory, let’s say like memory care versus staying at home. Like, for example, for a person who had memory challenges, let’s start there first.

Speaker 3
Yep. So somebody who has memory challenges really will flourish with a consistent routine. Having a trained staff to meet and understand those individuals and how a routine works for this particular person for example in my memory care you know I don’t have a breakfast time you know this is their home so therefore they come to breakfast when they would like to have breakfast so we start to learn what is their routine like what do they need I know who doesn’t like onions I know who doesn’t like olives I can be very specific with their needs and their interests because if you have one of those items on a plate they may not eat their food I certainly don’t want that so having the trained staff I can actually go to my staff right now and they’ll say oh no that one doesn’t like pepper or this one doesn’t like onions and meaningful activities you know having regular activities throughout the day to kind of anchor their day that’s really key the stimulation of cognitive programs you know word games Sudoku type activities working the right and the left side of the brain offering social opportunities to engage them socially I have one woman that came to me.

Speaker 3
She really wasn’t, you know, making a lot of sense. But I went with her as far as my tone of voice. I had nonsensical conversations or, you know, I responded to those nonsensical conversations.

Speaker 3
And that actually started to bring her out of her confusion a little bit because she was getting the stimulation. She started answering with two and three word sentences as opposed to a nonsensical structure. So all of that was really good stuff.

Speaker 3
As far as home, you know, home is home. You know, you may not understand the real core need of a structure. So you just kind of let somebody stay in bed for as long as they want, and maybe that’s not the best thing for them.

Speaker 3
Maybe you don’t encourage them to get up and walk as far as maybe they can. Maybe, you know, sitting in front of a TV all day is kind of the only stimulation they may get. So it’s not because it’s bad.

Speaker 3
It’s because it’s comfortable. And it’s because, you know, home, they don’t know any different. So, you know, they’re not trained.

Speaker 3
And that’s understandable. And everything that comes to a person who’s at home is through love. But they don’t realize that they might be actually making the disease progress faster.

Speaker 1
So then for the caregiver or loved one, from that perspective, what would you say?

Speaker 3
From a caregiver or loved one as far as having the opportunity to have somebody in a memory care?

Speaker 1
In other words, it would take a lot of the burden and the stress away from them, to the point that you were just making a moment ago, where they can help them to a certain extent, help them get dressed, help them make food, pay the bill. Okay, so simple things like that. But as it progressively gets worse, sometimes it just falls out of someone’s area of expertise. right where they would sit there and say i can do the very this i can help you in very simple forms sure no problem because you’re a loved one but some of the more serious uh care well i’m not

Speaker 3
qualified for so right exactly i mean you do have you know issues of perhaps incontinence well you know that can be a challenge for a loved one and unfortunately you know they do have caregiver or burnout. And so it’s really important to get that support. And the memory care, they’re trained for that. You know, they know that there’s a need. If somebody, you know, I’m sorry, I’m choosing the incontinence, but that, you know, that can lead to a life-threatening issue. And that may not be detected in a timely fashion, whereas in a supervised memory care situation where you have nursing on staff, or you have trained individuals such as myself, who I can identify when You know, Mrs. Smith is no longer telling me the correct, you know, response to the regular questions that she’s always responded to.

Speaker 3
And all of a sudden, she’s saying blue moose or something. I’m like, okay, that was not the way it was yesterday. I need to identify and alert my nursing team to say, hey, can we look at this a little bit closer?

Speaker 1
All right. I’m running out of time. I am so sorry.

Speaker 1
I didn’t mean to cut you off. I just have – there’s a couple of questions I really wanted to get to, and I wanted to do so before I’m completely out of time. Number one was the Burnham Family Residence Memory Care.

Speaker 1
So can you tell me a little bit about that?

Speaker 3
Yes. When you walk in, it’s absolutely well-lit, beautiful, blue-green hues with beige furniture. We come into a main community space through a secured door.

Speaker 3
To the left is the dining area and kitchen area with the most glorious countertop that actually serves as a stove area. but it’s very safe because it does not get hot. But we serve the same food as the main dining room upstairs.

Speaker 3
It’s offered lots of choices every day of the week. And we also have a galley kitchen, so we can certainly provide additional food for different or picky eaters, which is always nice. It opens further into the dining space, which leads right to a French door, which goes to our beautiful garden, which has chairs and tables and a raised garden bed.

Speaker 3
gazebo and walking path. When you come back in through, we also have, walking a little further, an office space where myself and the nursing staff reside. And then you have the main hallway, which goes all the way down. And on either side, we have 10 individual rooms with individual bath spaces, which is really nice. We have laundry services as well. And that is the entity.

Speaker 3
We do have one more quiet room space that’s nice when visitors come, so that’s lovely. In the main community space, we also have smart TV, and I utilize an IN2L system, which stands for It’s Never Too Late, which is the latest technology.

Speaker 1
Is that all part of what you think makes your memory care at Avery Heights so successful?

Speaker 3
Well, definitely. The environment plays a large role. I have the ability to flex the lighting as needed.

Speaker 3
But understanding the training that I have and bringing that forward and educating others to understand this disease and implementing what needs to be and being flexible, all of that is something that’s trained. That’s what’s needed, you know, understanding to have the compassion, to build the trust, to have the familiarity. That’s really what supports residents with dementia care needs.

Speaker 3
because you can’t change their dementia. It’s going to continue to progress. So if you have historical knowledge of them when they can’t tell you about themselves anymore, it’s going to go a long way to their ultimate well-being.

Speaker 1
I want to conclude with this final question. Sure. What is one piece of advice that you would tell someone listening to this, maybe in order to help them with their search, could be their transition or maybe a stay at a memory care facility. What piece of advice would you offer?

Speaker 3
I would say, you know, do your research and find what fits your needs and ask questions. Don’t be afraid to ask. And I want to kind of, I guess, specifically when it comes to your loved ones, have a sense of humor and have a lot of patience.

Speaker 1
That’s great advice. Siobhan, it sounds a lot like what you have said in the past when I’ve asked you a similar question.

Speaker 2
Yeah, and I love what Holly said about, you know, paying attention to how it makes you feel. A lot of times with this, you know, with senior living, you think of the cost or you think of location. And instead of paying attention to all of that, how does it make you feel?

Speaker 2
How do you feel about whether your loved one is going to be cared for in the environment? And start there and then go to the other two because obviously those are important as well. But it’s important, your gut, your first initial gut.

Speaker 2
We get a lot of folks from other communities. It is, you know, sometimes it’s not a good fit. And that’s the reason why all of them indefinitely, they say, oh, you know, I didn’t get a good feeling when I first came in.

Speaker 2
And you got to go with that feeling, whether it’s our memory care or another memory care.

Speaker 1
You got to go with that gut feeling.

Speaker 2
You have to, because that initial gut feeling is real.

Speaker 1
And first impression.

Speaker 2
It’s real. Yeah.

Speaker 1
I can imagine. It must be a struggle. Some of that you encounter, both of you, every day.

Speaker 1
Folks, you have been listening to the latest edition of your next chapter, Senior Living with Avery Heights. For more information on today’s topic, memory care, with our special guest, Holly Taylor Fry. The Heights Memory Care, I would say check out the website.

Speaker 1
Yes, the website, yeah. Averyheights.org. That’s A-V-E-R-Y-H-E-I-G-H-T-S. Averyheights.org.

Speaker 1
For Siobhan Mattingly, I’m Gary Byron. Until next weekend, thanks so much for listening. Have a good one, everybody.

Speaker 1
So long. Legenda Adriana Zanotto